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sucks.   
02:28pm 23/10/2002
  yea. so i lost 3 of my best friends in the past few months. it doesn't seem like a lot but when they're your best friends it feels like you're losing 10 million of them. and now i'm losing one more. one that i always thought would be there for me. but i guess i am not worth the time anymore. it feels like i have to practically beg to hang out with her, and when we do hang out she seems unenthused and bored, which makes me feel like shit. but when we go somewhere and see all her other friends she is loud and laughing and giddy all of a sudden. its like hi my name is amanda and i'm the biggest fucking bore in the world. they share a million inside jokes at lunch and when i'm there its like HAHAHA everyone's laughing...except me. because i don't know what's going on. and i feel awkward. then someone explains it to me. i don't know. i feel like absolute shit. i was thinking about it alot in communications (my class with the friend) today and i was trying so hard not to cry. she said like all of 3 words to me, then continued on to talk about her plans with traci and jenna and some other people for her birthday. of coure i was excluded. i tried to take her out for pizza and stuff on friday...but it felt unappreciated. just free pizza. i guess i'm not fun enough. i try to be. whatever. i give up. i guess i will just go the rest of the year with my one and only faithful friend meggan. i know i sound like every other distressed teen in the world, but life REALLY sucks.  
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dude   
11:45pm 05/10/2002
  dude! i haven't updated in sooo long. i didn't even remember i had this thing.

it would be so cool if there were exciting things going on in my life... but there's not! i don't know where to start. hmm...

lately i've been working alot (well i always work alot) but LATELY it has been stressing me out soooooo much. its driving me insane. it seems like everything is driving me insane and i get all tensed out and i'm like I CAN'T FUCKIN STAND IT ANYMORE and i get all crazy and shit. its bad. but i asked for less hours and rob said he'd schedule me for 15 to 17 hours a week instead of 30-35 cause that was way too much. i had no life on the weekends... 1-10 saturday, 8-5 sunday, then like 5-10 monday tuesday wednesday thursday. so the only day off i had was friday. i'm sooo glad that's over though.

what else...

the freshmen reception was the other nite. that was boring. nothing exciting to say about that, except i bought realllllly cute shoes for it. last nite i went to the mall with my cousin and we shopped for awhile then i came home at 9:30 and zac called and me him and bobby hung out for awhile. zac is cool. he is one of my best friends right now... i'm glad we started talking and being nice to each other instead of ignoring. and tonite i worked 5-10. and tomorrow i am going to my gramma's with my mom then work at 5. but right now the only thing i wanna do is get my jammies on and go to sleep forever (or till 8 cause of church). so bye!
 
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its been awhile!   
08:07am 08/09/2002
  yeah yeah i haven't written in here forever cause the computer was broke and now its fixed. not much exciting has happened. school started and my classes are okay, i only have 2 academic ones. working alot, for the past 2 weeks 30+ hours which is more than normal. sean is still an asshole...forgetting about him. my birthday was sept. 5 so i'm 17 now. friday night i hung out with zac and farron and we went to the football game and then threw pizza and rotten french fries at people's cars and houses, it was fun. then saturday i worked 1-10 and now today, sunday, i'm working 9-5 so i have to go get ready now. later!  
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i'm not doing this to myself again   
10:27am 20/08/2002
  that's right, i can't get myself hurt again! no matter how sincere he is, how much he flirts or how nice he is to me, i can't give in! because i KNOW what will happen and i'm just gonna end up worried and unhappy and i don't want to be like that!!  
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tired   
10:04am 19/08/2002
  lalala... i'm bored. AND TIRED. holy shit am i tired. i worked last nite and i work tonite and tomorrow nite and i really don't wanna. i wish i was still at the beach... it's boring in palmer. hmm. yesterday i went to the mall with my mom and bought a shirt. then i went home and i "cleaned" my sneakers to make them whiter, but they turned yellow. so now i need some new ones. and i'm making my mom give me the money for 'em cause she promised the oxyclean stuff wouldn't turn them yellow... and they did! then i went to work from 5-10 and it was really hot and boring and i did a bad job straightening. i didn't put back any of the returns either. haha i guess i wasn't in the mood to work. when i got outta work me and meggan went to friendlys (surprise surprise) then we went to her house and watched fight club for a little while. then i called sean at like 11:45 (he called me the other nite so we talk again) and he wanted to do something so me and meggan met him at the post office since he lives too near by to bother driving and we went to his house and sat in a screened in porch and drank wine coolers. meggan had one, then she finished mine. then she started another one. and then she took a shot of gin. it was funny... she was all tipsy and stuff. melissa came over there too since she's staying at meggan's for awhile, and then they walked back to meggan's and i stayed and i came... a half hour ago. i think i slept for 3 hours. and i am dead tired so i think i'm gonna go turn on the AC and go to sleep in my mom's room on the comfortable bed. sounds like a great plan to me.  
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i'm not tired but i should be   
10:06pm 17/08/2002
  yeah yeah the beach was super fun this week. me and meggan spent a lot of time outside roasting ourselves, building bon fires and having hawiian parties with grass skirts and s'mores, playing scattegories with my brother, walking to the sandbar and "catching crabs" (hahahaha) and other sea animal type stuff. i love it there. its my favorite place to be! meggan drove home thursday but i survived till saturday. on the last nite, friday, my mom & dad, brett, me, my aunt carol, my uncle charilie, my cousin lori, my cousin in-law mike and my grandma went out to eat at this expensive but unbelievably good italian resturaunt called stelladoro's and it was on us cause we have a lot to thank them for (i'll get to that later) and the bill came to $291.34! i was like whooooooa! but my uncle had a $100 gift certificate so we only ended up paying $191 plus a $45 tip but it was sooo worth it. $29 steak...soo good.

anyway. my mom, dad, me and my aunt and uncle had a major discussion over dinner. since they're seuper rich, they offered to pay for my to get an education counseler and 4 years of college at westfield state. EVERYTHING. tuition, room, board and meal plans for 4 years. AND if i need to go to prep school before college cause of some of my grades, they are paying for that too. i think i cried once we had it all talked out. i was so happy and that is such a generous thing to do and they were just like we've been wanting to do it, and we have all this money but what's the sense of spending it on another car when we can do something useful with it and they were like you mean a lot to us and we want to see you succeed and we will do whatever it takes to get you there. i was like ahhhhhhh nice people!!! so i am totally pumped... 4 years all paid. if it wasn't for that, i would prolly not be able to get in. cause my GPA isn't great but it isn't horrible, but if i needed finanicial aid they wouldn't prolly accept me. oh well. all i know is i'm happy and i'm gonna go to college and work my ass off and then i'm gonna go be a criminal profiler in the FBI (hopefully)!!! well that's all for now. byebye
 
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blank   
10:19am 11/08/2002
  well i guess i should update this or something cause i haven't in a long time!

hmm. i went to court and my lawyer has the chicken pox so they re-scheduled me for sept. 26 and the guy said that my case will prolly be dismissed and i won't have to go back again. THANK GOD. that court is full of scary little children in there for like assult and battery. ouch.

this morning my parents left for the beach house in CT at like 8... but i'm not leaving till around 4:30 with meggan cause she worked today so i am waiting for her and we're driving down by ourselves. but we have very detailed directions and a cell phone so we should be okay!

yup. it is true, sean does have a girlfriend. her name is jamie and she's from westfield. all they do is drink beer and have sex. cause that's all he's interested in. i guess he found the perfect girl if that's all she cares about! some people are really pathetic and/or disgusting.

speaking of disgusting...! yesterday i got out my car to go into work and i heard this lady screaming at her little girl, maybe like 3 years old and she's all like "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH...GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!!!" and she repeated that like 3 times, so i stopped. and i was looking. and i was about to get the manager or something because that is NOT the way you talk to a 3 year old in a public place, or ANYWHERE for that matter. but luckily marissa (one of my co-workers, a 50 year old spanish woman who has a knack for expressing her opinion whether it's welcomed or not) got out of her car and at that time that lady was still screaming so marissa stopped and was like "you ought to be ashamed of yourself for screaming at your daughter like that", "its a shame that some people are allowed to be mothers" and the lady was like "FUCK OFF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON YOU FUCKING BITCH GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LIFE YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!!!" and marissa just shook her head and i walked over and looked the lady right in the face, looked at marissa and all i said was "some people are absolutley disgusting. i would ashamed to be a mother if i was seen talking like that" and the husband was in the car the whole time with his head in his hands. the whole thing was really disturbing. god if i was a mother i would never in 100 million years talk to my children like that. that is horrible. just horrible!

well i guess i'm done for now... byebye!
 
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no good titles for this   
09:11am 02/08/2002
  OKAY. so i think i have this stalker. and he goes to kmart looking for me alot and one time he asked me out on a date and i was like umm no obviously cause i have no idea who you are, never heard of you or seen you or anything. i figured after that he'd give up but i guess not. him and his little crew came into kmart last nite while i was at the jewelry counter so i knew that i should go and hide once i was done there. so i guess they were looking all the sections for me and i went to boys to finish straightening and i was hiding behind some jeans then i heard someone say "dude, where is she" and someone said "didn't you see her car in the parking lot" and i was like AHHH and i looked up and i saw his friends and then i turned around and walked to the front of the store and went into the service desk, and they were already up in line at the registers. so i stood beside danielle and pretended to do something "important" and she kinda hid me cause she's tall and i'm short. then they said more scary things about finding me and finally they left. SERIOUSLY. that's gross. i only attract the nasty ugly boys that follow girls around town. ew.

on the other hand... i'm leaving for new hampshire this afternoon. i still gotta shower and pack the rest of my clothes and charge the cell phone and everything. so i guess i should go do that. later!
 
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its too hot   
03:22pm 01/08/2002
  hello. i have to work at 5 and i'm not thrilled about that. its waaaaaaaay too hot. i wouldn't really mind being there if it was more air conditioned but its not. hmm.

i went to the mall with meggan today. i got a shirt and some sneakers. i'm gonna wear 'em to work tonite.

new hampshire tomorrow, i'm excited. my dad is leaving for new hampshire tomorrow morning too, on his motorcycle for the weekend and its really wierd cause he's staying in a town near us. it would be really cool if i saw him there!

well i think i'm gonna go takes a shower now cause that's a good idea. byebye.
 
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yeeeeah   
12:12am 01/08/2002
 
mood: disappointed
went to friendlys and played pool with melissa and meggan tonite. it was fun. i can't wait to leave for NH friday. i wanna get away from palmer so bad and do fun things. we planned a hike for a day trip up mt. liberty. its 7.5 miles and the book says it'll take about 6-7 hours depending on how fast you hike and how long you stop for and whatnot. but it will be me, melissa and meggan so it'll be cool. then after we will go out to dinner at a nice little place and it'll be happy. i love NH. it makes me happy. i love hiking too!

yeah so i've been thinking. i have no one. really. my chances of meeting someone aren't great either, cause i don't really go out far and there's NO ONE left in palmer. AT ALL. not in school or anything. i'm sick of being lonely and not having a guy to talk to and hang out with. i want my happiness back. that's all. is it so much to ask for to keep something that makes me happy? sure there are other things that make me happy like money and food and crap. but that's (obviously) not the same as a special person. who knows. maybe i'm not meant to have a special person. or maybe SOMEONE on this earth will see something in me that they like. blah...
 
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lalala   
10:15am 31/07/2002
 
mood: sleepy
just woke up. i'd have liked to have slept later but i have to go to my gramma's house with my brother for 11 and i have to shower and everything so yeah, i had to get up. work last nite was really boring. it was semi air conditioned but it could have been better! nothing really exciting happened. i worked with sarah though, and she is super cool. and katie and danielle came into visit me which made me happy cause i was really bored. i like it when people visit me.

haha this is funny... me, katie and danielle are all gonna pimp out our cars with body kits and rims and the whole deal. katie has a chevy malibu, danielle has a mitsu eclipse and i have a dodge neon. fun stuffs, when i actually have some $$ cash $$

this is what i want mine to look like. click here

hmmm i dunno i guess that's all.
i'll be back later.

bye!
 
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survey time   
10:34am 30/07/2002
  Mood: kinda tired
Music: nothin
Name: amanda leigh
Do you like it?: yep
Nicknames: mandy, manns
Screen names: burb606, amandee97
Age: i'm almost 17
Birthday: 9-5-85
Sign: virgo
Location: palmer
School: palmer high
Status: status of what? i'm tired...
Crush: i don't know
Virgin?: yeah
Natural hair color: dark brown but i haven't seen that in years
Current hair color: blond highlights
Eye color: dark brown
Height: 5'3" ish
Birthplace: springfield ma
Shoe size: 7, 7 1/2
Bra size: sajg9ls66kdj3glg36Cjdgjdsg

[ family ]

Parents: ann and eric
Siblings: brett is my brother
Live with: mom, dad, brett, buster, ants
Favorite relative: not sure?

[ favorites ]

Number: 22
Color: pink
Day: friday
Month: december
Song: oh so many... lots by reggie & the full effect right now
Movie: the breakfast club, shawshank redemption, can't hardly wait, i dunno there are so many
Food: cheese quesadillas and sundaes with vanilla ice cream and extra peanut butter sauce
Band: reggie, nfg, afi, mest, etc etc
Season: fall - winter
Sport: softball
Class: easy ones
Teacher: oppe... oh how i loved him. wait, just kidding!
Drink: coke
Veggie: broccoli
TV Show: the view, the other half, a makeover story
Radio Station: 95.7
Store: american eagle
Word: juxtapose
Animal: hippos. my kitte and doggie.
Flower: roses that i still have from may. they're all crumbly now
State: colorado

[ this or that ]

Me/You: both
Coke/pepsi: coke
Day/night: night
Aol/aim: aim
Cd/cassette: cd
Dvd/vhs: dvd
Jeans/khakis: jeans
Car/truck: truck... black chevy silverado
Tall/short: tall
Lunch/dinner: dinner
NSYNC/BSB: NFG
Britney/Christina: neither
Gap/Old Navy: old navy
Lipstick/Lipgloss: gloss
Silver/Gold: silver
Alcohol/Weed: alcohol. bacardi silver. mmmmm

[ love and relationships ]

Do you have a bf/gf?: nope
Do you have a crush?: i don't know
How long have you liked him/her?: i don't know
Why do you like this person?: i don't know
If you're single... why are you single?: cause he decided he didn't like me anymore!
If you're not single.give details.: i am.
How long was your longest relationship?: like a month and a half... haha
How long was your shortest relationship?: a week, and we didn't talk more than once either!
Who was your first love?: no love here
What do you miss about them?: cabbage
[ the past ]

What is the one thing you would change about your past?: not listening to the people that were right. i should have never gotten involved with him
What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: there's alot but i don't regret them
Last thing you heard: babble from the preview channel
Last thing you saw: my dog
Last thing you said: "butter ball"
Who is the last person you saw?: my brother
Who is the last person you kissed?: sean
Who is the last person you hugged?: sean
Who is the last person you fought with?: its been so long that i don't remember
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: becky
What is the last TV show you saw?: the other half
What is the last song you heard?: something my brother was playing... slayer maybe? i dunno.

[ the present ]

What are you wearing?: shorts and a hoodie, cause i just woke up
What are you doing?: filling this out
Who are you talking to?: no one's on
What song are you listening to?: i'm not
Where are you?: in the kitchen
Who are you with?: my dog and my brother
Are you online?: yuppers
How are you feeling?: hungry
Are you in a chatroom?: nope

[ future ]

What day is it tomorrow?: wednesday
What are you going to do after this?: take a shower
Who are you going to talk to?: whoever i'm working with tonite
Where are you going to go?: kmart
How old will you be when you graduate?: 17
What do you wanna be?: psychologist, criminal profiler can't decide
What is one of your dreams?: be happy with me
Where will you be in 25 years?: probably still in palmer!

[ have you ever ]

Drank?: yes
Smoked?: haha... YEAH
Had sex?: nope
Stolen?: blank
Done anything illegal?: yep
Wanted to die?: yup
Hit someone?: i don't think so

[ other ]

Do you write in cursive or print?: print
Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
What is your sexual preference?: boys
What piercings do you have?: ears, eyebrow
Do you drive?: i do
Do you have glasses or braces?: glasses
Did you like this survey?: its aight

[ physical appearance ]

What do you most like about your body?: not sure?
And least?: most of it
How many fillings do you have?: lots
Do you think you're good looking?: nope
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: yeah but i don't get it
Do you look like any celebrities?: i don't think so

[ fashion ]

Do you wear a watch?: yes. its light pink leather and it has rhinestones around the timepiece
How many coats and jackets do you own?: 3
Favorite pants/skirt color?: uhhh tan
Most expensive item of clothing?: random jeans i prolly blew 50 bucks on
Most treasured?: i don't treasure my clothes
What kind of shoes do you wear?: vans, flip flops, cheapo white ones
Describe your style in one word: boring
 
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who needs grapefruit!   
10:28am 30/07/2002
  yeah, so i ate some grapefruit and it was gross so i had a piece of toast and diet coke for breakfast instead. which is what i normally have. screw grapefruit, its nasty! i was so ready to sleep late this morning but becky called me at 10 cause she needed someone to work for her, but i'm already working today and then i couldn't fall back asleep so i slept till like 10:07. now it's 10:30 and i'm really bored. i dunno what i'm doing today... probably nothing good cause i have no money but that's alright. i will figure something out! i really like toast... yup. and diet coke isn't that great but its the only soda my mom has been buying for like the past 8 years so its what i've been drinking for the past 8 years and you kinda learn to like it. i suppose that is all for now. i think i'm gonna fill out a survey from sarah's journal then i'll put it here cause i'm really bored. byebye!  
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its hot!   
11:39pm 29/07/2002
 
mood: content
hi hi. i haven't written much at all besides my complaining so here i am, writing.

not alot has been up. kmart is giving me crappy hours and 60$ paychecks aren't getting me anywhere far. its so bad that i have to go to the cheapo gas station at the end of breckenridge and ask Apu for free gas cause i'm broke. melissa let me in on the Apu (i don't even know if that's his name but she calls him that!) secret. he is a really nice and gets her ciggs underage and sometimes he doesn't charge her for them. so today i was thinking, no one prolly reads this but i write in it anyways. but that's alright. i heard sean has a new girlfriend or something, i feel bad for her. haha. sometimes i honestly wonder if i diserve more than him ya know. yeah. i am going back to new hampshire august 2-5 with meggan. then the next sunday i am leaving to go to my uncle's beach house in westbrook, CT with terri and my family. i absolutely love that place. its like my little beach home away from home. yep. hmm. the other day i lost one of my wheel covers and my car looks really ghetto. i would buy some really nice custom wheels but like i said, i'm broke, so i found some cheap plastic ones at ames on sale for $9.99 :) it'll get the job done! lalala i dunno. HAHA i'm going on this "grapefruit diet" and like i have to drink 8 oz. of grapefruit juice 3 times a day everyday, and no sugars or starches. i read about it in a book and my mom did it when she was my age and she swears it worked for her, and she lost weight quickly too so maybe i'll drop 10 pounds faster than i thought! yup yup. well i am out now. i'm gonna sleep i believe. byebye*
 
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no title   
11:19am 22/07/2002
 
mood: bored
yo. i got back from NH friday which was very nice. then me and katie p. went to friendlys and ate some good food. she showed me her tattoo and it is sooo cute! i love it! hmm... i didn't have to work saturday which was nice, so i went to my gramma's with my mom, then when we got home me, my mom and and my dad went to lucky's in northampton and got my eyebrow pierced... i love it. its so nice! it was a very early 17th b-day gift. it was the piercing and my car, sooo on september 5th all i get is a cake! hmm... then later that nite i hung out with terri and meggan. and i worked sunday nite. and now it is monday and i got nuttin to do, except work at 5. wooo hoo. i am gonna go eat breakfast now though. yeah yeah!
 
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eh   
10:21am 11/07/2002
 
mood: blah
i’m drunk off your kiss
for another night in a row
this is becoming too routine for me
but i did not mean to lead you on
and it’s all right to pretend
that we still talk
it’s just for show, isn’t it
it’s my fault that it fell apart

just maybe
you need this
and i didn’t mean to
lead you on

you were everything i wanted
but i just can't finish what i've started
there’s no room left here on my back
it was damaged long ago
though you swear that you are true
i still pick my friends over you

please tell me everything,
that you think that i should know
about all the plans we made
when i was never to be found
and it’s all right to forget
that we still talk
it's just for fun, isn’t it
it’s my fault that it fell apart

cuz maybe you need this
and i didn’t mean to
lead you on

you were everything i wanted
but i just can't finish what i've started
there’s no room left here on my back
it was damaged long ago
yhough you swear that you are true
i still pick my friends over you

just maybe you need this
you need this
and i didn’t mean to
lead you on

you were everything i wanted
but i just can't finish what i've started
there’s no room left here on my back
it was damaged long ago
though you swear that you are true
i still pick my friends over you


i guess he could use this song as an explanation. sounds pretty accurate to me.
 
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if you could die from a broken heart then i'm already dead   
11:32pm 10/07/2002
 
mood: aggravated
so i finally got a chance to talk to him today and the results weren't great.

he pretty much said that he had way too much too drink and he should've stopped kissing me but he didn't and it got out of hand and that he's sorry. and then he just moved on and started talking about something else while i'm standing there ready to bawl, but of course he didn't realize that. my eyes are like huge and puffy and bloodshot cause all i've been doing is crying. i was doing good getting over him until he went and kissed me. i was fooled once again and now i'm hurt once again. no guy has ever really hurt me like this. but its just so sucky because things before, to me, were perfect. i could not ask for more. he called me a lot and i called him a lot, before prom we hung out like every day and he gave me the bestest ever in the world hugs and then prom was like the best nite of my life and then after that at jessica's was the first time we kissed and he told me he saw good things in the future for us and we would be together soon and i believed it. and i got to fall asleep in his arms on the couch and wake up in them too and that is the best feeling. after that we ended up hanging out almost every day. he came into work to see me, and then met me there at 10 most nites and he would come over my house and wouldn't leave till like 12:30 am. there's so much more good stuff but i'm tired and its just making me more sad so i'm just gonna go to sleep or something. maybe pretend that my heart is in one piece...

but then again there really is no point in denying its not.
 
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life just keeps on getting worse   
10:28pm 09/07/2002
 
mood: pissed off
ok, everything SUCKS!

we were supposed to hang out today but there was this huge fire in granby and they called like 150 of the area firefighters and i guess they called palmer so we never got to hang out. i left a voicemail telling him i needed to talk to him and to call me at work but he didn't call. and i called a little while ago and his phone is off. ughhh!
 
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no title i guess   
10:50pm 08/07/2002
  yup so yeah. wow. i don't know what's going on... at all.

i went over the Boy's house at like 11:15 and we hung with ryan and some other people, and they all left around 12 and then sean asked if i wanted to stay longer so i was like ok yeah so he followed me home so i could drop my car off and then we went to his firefighter friend's house and all the guys were drinking and he had a couple beers and i had a bacardi silver and i was feeling tipsy of course (i'm such a lightweight aye??) so yeah we were there till like 1:15 then we went back to his house and i was gonna sleep over and i made up some story for my mom about sleeping at jessica's with my sean, terri, terri's sean and jessica and russ but she didn't buy it and she was like i know you're at sean's blah blah blah so i was like fine whatever and she wanted me home by 2:30. so yeah, i was thinking this was a friend type thing cause he was the one that told me he wanted to slow things down... then he kissed me. a lot. and of course i kissed him back cause i missed him like hell and i was so so so so so happy. so yeah he dropped me off at like 2:30 and he was like def. get a hold of me tomorrow nite you can go up to the pool hall and meet me there so i'm like ok cool. so i call, and his phone off. and i call back and he says he'll be outta there by 6:30 and to call back then. so i call at 6:30 and he says he'll be leaving soon and he'll gimme a call. he doesn't call back. so i call him and he tells me he'll call right back cause he was getting yelled at by someone. he doesn't call back. so i call him and he can finally talk... and then he tells me he's just gonna hang out with ryan at his house for nite so i was like yeah yeah that's fine except i was really thinking what the fuck god dammit i wasted my whole nite waiting around for nothing. so he says call me tomorrow and we'll do something. so i call him in the afternoon, and he says he doesn't feel good and he is prolly just gonna stay in for the nite but he says to call him later anyways, so i do. and he says that he will call me tomorrow afternoon and we'll hang out before i go to work. lets see if he actually calls.

i don't really get it... it's like i'm allowed to be happy for one night but then of course things get shitty again. i don't know if what happened was just a one nite thing... or something that is gonna happen again. i would like it to happen again. i miss him. he made me so happy. i try really hard to get over him but there is like something about him that doesn't let me... saturday nite was the first nite i was truley happy since the end of may. its amazing how someone can affect you like that but i dunno. i hope to talk to him tomorrow and ask what the heck is going on. so yup that's bout it. byebye.
 
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should i be happy?   
10:41pm 06/07/2002
 
mood: anxious
yup so tonite i found out the Boy called me thursday nite and i didn't even know cause he called my old cell phone # which is out of service for a couple months. he came into kmart tonite and i actually talked to him and he told me called and left a voicemail so i was like wow that's cool. so i called him when i got outta work at 10 and he told me to call 'round 10:45 to do something tonite so i'm gonna call in a couple minutes. lets see if he actually wants to do something. trying not to get my hopes up. yep well i'm gone bye bye.
 
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